There were times when this particular girl would excitedly seek for me and tell her the story of how her day went by with every single detail from A to Z...
Till I realized something...
She has never actually asked "hows your day"...
Initially I refused to believe in that...
I would share my stories with her when we talk...
But one day, I decided to give it a test...
The night ends without she asking how my day went by...
The feeling sucks...

I love to express and share how my day went on especially things I am passionate about...
I would go on and on and on...
Till I realized something...
Things I am interested in does not necessary would be the interest of others...
So, it made me ask myself, "what is the point of sharing with someone whom did not care?"
The feeling sucks...

I remember every single crazy thing I would do when I am in love...
Being not financially sound does not help the cause...
But still, I just wanna try and make them happy...
Till I realized something...
At times, those financial matters are the things that would be the trigger to their happiness...
And could be the trigger to their sadness and envy and jealousy...
The feeling sucks...

"Don't ask, don't tell"
It sounds so nice, but yet unaccountable...
I think to myself, since she does it that way, I should do the same...
Till I realized something...
When you don't actually have to report, you tend to go corrupt due to the lack of control and supervision...
Just like money laundering...
And the last time I was not in any control, I wreak havoc everywhere I go...
Made me feels confused....
Should I treat like how I am being treated or just be the expressive guy I am...
The feeling sucks...

Girl's with emotional baggage...
I always thought those are heavy baggage...
They filled it in, they should be able to carry that on their own...
Till I realized something...
We humans would always have that baggage...
It is just the matter of whether the person carrying it and the content inside is worth it...
But my perceptions made them feel scared to let out their emotions...
Making me feel unimportant...
Seeing, listening and knowing they would rather tell their friend than me...
The feeling sucks...

"The One"
"Asshole"
"Soul mate"
"Fuck off"
"Best friend forever"
"Sarcastic Bastard"

Now now...
Being very skeptical, urgh...
The ability to analyze, urgh...

I do understands now why people whom are rarely exercise their minds are happier...
I do understands now why in an episode of House on why a genius intoxicate himself regularly just to feel happy...

Now, I just think, who the fuck am I thinking the way I think about myself and everybody else...
Till I realized something...
I rarely doubt myself...
And when I do...
The feeling sucks...

The feeling sucks...
The feeling sucks...
The feeling sucks...

Remaining for who I am?
Ironic how people as they are...
Come, knock me into a state of nothingness and let me be new...
Let me be normal in line of other rather than always being stuck in a fucked up view...

I just wish for once, there's a genuine answer...
I just wish for once, something elusive meant to exist...
Something unanswerable would answer itself...
I'm tired of being myself...

And I don't want to talk about this...
This post...
No matter who the hell you are that would by chance might be reading this...

Wait, the new Ikhwan should try to be more polite...

Simple nice and easy...

Some things are better left alone...

Till I realized something...
The feeling SUCKS!